I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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