it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
