I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
