So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
