First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
