Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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