Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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