There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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