Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
