my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
