1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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