I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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