No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
