party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
