I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
