he wants to bone in the snuggie
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
