There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
