All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
ttyl tear gas
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
