It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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