If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
