Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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