i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
