why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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