alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
