I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
