Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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