all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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