WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
