Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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