I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
