Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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