What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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