Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
