I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
