Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
