New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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