OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I skipped work to stalk him.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize