he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
