I think I died a long time ago.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
