I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
