note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize