I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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