if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
God, I missed his penis.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
