My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
