It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
