More tranny stories later!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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