dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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