I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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