He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Randomize
