So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i need some magic done to my vagina
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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