I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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