Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize