I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
