I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
