I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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