she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
