oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
