...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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