i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
