Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
