i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
