I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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