My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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