So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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