idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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