Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I need to stop coming to work sober
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
